There is somewhere I would so much rather be right now, I was warm and happy! Sometimes I get to writing in my own head and sleep is futile! It has to come out!
As you can imagine the whole BP thing had me scared to death, I didn't handle it very well the last time he was in prison. This time promised to be a MUCH longer stretch and I had NO idea what to do, so I started binge drinking again after a good stretch of keeping myself in check. Don't get me wrong, I had still drank now and again, but as long as I was in a fairly good headspace it wasn't an issue.
Well kittykats, I was in a VERY not good headspace. BP just kind of ignored it as he was too strung out on heroin to pay much attention. I was desperately alone and unravelling emotionally. I had no friends and was isolated by the abuse and the beatings. I was ashamed to let anyone know that a "strong girl" like myself put up with that kind of shit. So I curled up in the bottom of a bottle. Then came a BIG wake up call....
I am so ashamed to even talk about this, but I promised 100% honesty. One night the kids were at their Grandma's, BP was chasing dope, and I was left alone with all my demons. I thought about my kids and how much they did without because of my husband's addiction. I had WAY too much to drink that night!
The details are a bit fuzzy but apparently I was caught shoplifting kid stuff at the mall. I was put in cuffs for the very first time and hauled down to the county jail.
I spent the next 6 hours freezing in the drunk tank and then was changed into a green jumpsuit and taken to a cell block. I was marched in among felons of varying degrees and would remain there for 11 days until I made bail. More on that next time.
As always thanks for listening and God bless!