My first experience with heroin was by no means my last. I really wish I could say it was!
I skipped back to just snorting a cap here and there, usually off a baby changing table at O' Charley's. I seemed to make SO much more $ when I was high. I knew just what to say and had MAD energy! So I walked that path. What is it that I always say? I AM A RETARD.
The addiction didn't come until later, but the seed was planted. I hadn't experienced dope sickness but what can I say? I have a very hard time dealing with life with nothing dulling it. I am a GREAT mom, but when they go to bed I have nothing but my own thoughts to deal with. As you can imagine dear readers I have hours of material to over analyze.
Should I be bitter about the pain in my life? I'm trying to look at it as lessons learned, but it doesn't make it any easier during the long sleepless nights I have. I am so pissed off that I am stuck doing this alone, and that my husband can't keep his shit together long enough to be a good father. I have dedicated my life to my kids, why can't he?
I will leave it there for now as I am rattling around in my own brain.
Next post will involve the worst blackout ever. Imagine getting drunk and waking up in South Carolina?! Yep back to JK!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!