Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Got an interesting letter in the mail today.
Apparently my lawyer is going to be out of town Monday, so my court date is being pushed back AGAIN! I'm not sure when it's going to be rescheduled.
At first I was all excited and dancing around the house. You know how much I have been dreading this kittykats! Then inevitably my brain started going into overdrive.
I am at the point where I am so sick of this case that I just want to go to jail and get it over with. Chris and I are ready to get our lives going, but it's not going to happen as long as this is hanging over my head! Every time they is put this off, my release date gets farther away. I don't think the actual incarceration can be much worse than the dread of it!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Monday, March 28, 2011

To Dwell Or Not To Dwell....

Panic mode set in again today as of 10:00 AM EST. I am now in the final week of my freedom.
I got my pre-sentencing investigation over with with the probation department. That is just basically asking you about your life story and circumstances to determine how big of a threat to society you are. Questions like, "When did you first smoke weed" and "Did you have a funny uncle?" I was so tempted to say, "He wasn't very funny, but he liked to put his hand down my pants!" Sadly I don't think an officer of the court would get my sense of humor.
So now I am staring at the clock thinking stupid things. Like this is the last time I will see 9:19 pm as a free woman for ten months. Yep I could use a xanax!
It just occurred to me that I might have a great untapped resource to help me get through this hell, you guys! Between the hundreds of regular readers here and my almost 1000 facebook friends, maybe I could hit a few of you guys up for an occasional letter? Comment here or on facebook to let me know if I am being too presumptuous.
I do pledge to keep writing while I am away, Chris will be posting for me from letters I will send so forgive any typos hehehehe! I am hoping I am going to grow as a writer through this, Lord knows I will probably have no shortage of material!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Mending Fences

I had a great surprise yesterday guys! I got to make up with one of my good friends and I buried the hatchet after the stupidest feud in history!
My longtime readers need no reminder of the guy before Crispy and all the crap that happened. Well this old friend LW was the kick in the ass that I needed to move on. At the time it didn't seem like such a good thing.
One Friday last summer I spent the evening with the last guy (who I shall refer to as Stupid), we had been hanging out for a few months and I was under the mistaken impression that although we were not officially "together", we at least weren't sleeping with other people.
The next night we were both at E street pub watching a band play and LW showed up. It was great because she had moved across the country and I hadn't seen her forever! We had some drinks and were basically having a blast.
The night drew to a close and to my horror LW went home with Stupid. I gritted my teeth and remembered that he hadn't made any promises.
The night after that LW and I went to Mac's Place to sing karaoke. I was a bit sore, but I tried to have fun and enjoy seeing my old friend. She drug me into the bathroom and asked my permission to hook up with Stupid again. I guess it was nice of her to ask, albeit a bit awkward. I had talked to her about Stupid and how much I cared for him the whole time I had been seeing him.
So they started to talk about starting a relationship immediately. I had wasted all this time with Stupid and within 2 days he was "falling in love." Guess who he talked to about it? You guessed it!
So I fumed and got madder and madder the longer it went on. I thought it was a serious violation of girl code, so I let my mouth run away from me while talking to a mutual friend. Of course it got back to her, we defriended each other and didn't speak forever.
Yesterday I got to thinking about how she actually did me a favor. She made me see what a massive waste of time Stupid was. I might still be being used and miserable if she hadn't opened my eyes. After splitting with Stupid I told him he needed to hook me up with someone if he was done with me. I meant it as a joke, but 2 days later I got a phone call out of the blue. It was Crispy, and here I am today.
So I sent a heartfelt apology and she accepted it! We agreed never to fight like that again, especially over a douchebag like Stupid! True friends are too rare to throw away over a piece of ass! Especially one that in hindsight wasn't that great anyway....
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Life Is Beautiful!

Wow what a day yesterday kittykats! I am pleased to tell you that the second Chris walked in he apologized. I think we are both just stressed out and scared about the future.
I think that was my first real negative post since the last idiot I dated. Remember those days dear readers?
I spent a big chunk of yesterday thinking about everything. After about 65 panic attacks it hit me, this is a HUGE waste of my energy. Why should I spend the last days I have left being upset and crying? So I slapped myself and snapped out of it!
I have so much to be happy about and it's time to enjoy it and save up as many memories as possible!
So I got off my butt, got out of my sweats, and bitched myself all up so I'd look good when Chris got home. The kids and I ran around outside playing with bubbles. I cleaned the house spotless and made some kick ass burritos for dinner. Sure enough I felt better than I have in a while.
Complacency and fear will never do you any favors. The best you can do is accept that some things are inevitable and take pleasure in what you can. I have a great man, awesome kids, and great friends! It's gonna be a rocky part of this rude girl's road but I'm going to keep walking and be a better person for it! The world will still be here when this is all over!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Bad day!

Guys am I EVER in a mood today!
It's two weeks from today that I have to leave for "summer camp." The reality is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I have been ignoring this for the longest time. I guess I was hoping it was an "Inception" type thing and any moment someone in reality would give me a kick and I would wake up. No such luck....
Chris and I had the stupidest fight last night. It was totally over nothing. He was having trouble hooking up the TV to our computer and I was just tired and bitchy. I can't even remember what we were arguing about, that's how stupid it was. Long story short he slept on the couch and we haven't spoken since. We are both so goddamn stubborn that neither of us will admit we were wrong. What usually happens is that he comes home and acts like nothing ever happened.
There couldn't be a worse time for us to be angry with each other. I think we need to spend as much good time with each other as we can and strengthen our relationship because we are getting ready to go through the test of our lives.
This stress has an unfortunate side effect. For the first time in a long time, I REALLY want to use! I have caught myself making all the excuses that addicts make right before they relapse. "If I do it just once, I'll be OK." "I'm going to be gone anyway, what does it matter?" Luckily I have enough experience to know this is just me lying to myself. I have been down that road and I know where it ends, nowhere good! So I am hanging in there, but it's not easy.
I really thought that after all this time I would be "cured." It goes to show you that no matter how much clean time you have in, heroin can come out of nowhere and try to seduce you. Numbness sounds appealing right now but it's not worth the price I would pay!
So dear readers I ask for all your prayers and good energy. I believe I am strong enough to make it through this, but support never hurt anyone!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Friday, March 18, 2011

That's What I Get For Being Nice......

Warning, if you are squeamish or easily offended, I recommend skipping this one!
Will someone please just slap me for being too nice. Something happened last week to make me want to turn into a ruthless bitch!
A bit of background, if you are a follower you will remember V and WM. I introduced them to each other and they have been together for 3 years and have a baby girl. Until recently....
V had been cheating on WM unbeknowst to him. Things came to a head one night after V came home late. WM wanted to fool around and ended up pulling a USED CONDOM out of her. I cannot imagine finding out like that, how horrible! Needless to say he split!
She ended up moving in with the guy she cheated with. I am not sure of the specifics but for some reason she had to leave his house because it was too small for both their families. So she had nowhere to go.
She begged Chris and I to stay with us for a couple weeks. We were reluctant as she is an addict and I didn't know how strong I could be. Finally after much discussion we decided we had to help for the sake of the 2 little girls she has.
So her boyfriend lugged her crap over and my household grew by 3. There were problems the very first night. I felt as if I was the one taking care of her kids, and the first night she was here she ended up sleeping with my neighbor.
Daytime was not much better. I would watch her girls while she was running "errands" which is a fancy way of saying "scoring dope." That part didn't bother me gladly. I never even considered doing any. Then came the death blow of a 15 year friendship with a girl who was like a sister.
The third day she was here I slept in after getting the kids off to school. Early that afternoon I called to check the balance on my debit card. It was supposed to be $60, there was $0. No one else had been in the house but Crispy. What conclusion would you draw?
I understand why she did it. I have been there, done that. There is no greater con artist than a drug addict just starting to feel dope sick. I lied, stole, and cheated for a long time to afford my $60 a day habit. Regardless Crispy have settled into a nice normal, lower middle class life and I won't let anyone jeopardize that. So I threw her out.
I heard that she gave the girls to family members and is trying to get clean. I hope and pray she does, will you as well dear readers.
I pray that she comes through OK and can be my sister again! As always thanks for listening and God bless!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I'm ALIVE!!!!!!!!

Hey kittykats! Hope you got the Get Him To The Greek reference! It's been a long time!
Crispy and I unplugged for awhile to save money and try to accumulate some junk. It worked well.
It's hard to get used to this. In my past every time I would buy something of value, it would be carted off by BP to the pawn shop within 48 hours! It feels almost unfair that once everything came together I am getting ready to go away.
Yes dear readers I have gotten a sentencing date. April 4th is when I go to prison over this stupidity! I will be gone for 10 months. I just broke down and signed the plea. I was fearful it would be much worse if I didn't!
Well kittykats, remembering that I have 3 weeks left has given me a massive headache. Gonna go make home movies of the kids riding their bikes, that should cheer me up! More to come.....
As always thanks for listening and God bless!