Monday, April 19, 2010

Knocked up AGAIN!!!

Well I had just left LL for a guy I had known for a few years.
I was drinking quite a bit before all this happened, but oddly enough when I made this decision I was sober. Wish I was drunk, then I would have an excuse.
LL and I agreed to joint custody of Hayley. He would keep her while I got settled in, then we'd split the time down the middle.
I got a crappy apartment on Main street and moved BP in with me. He had no job and pretty much sponged off me. The beginning was GREAT! We had a great time together and I didn't mind taking care of him. That's what I've always done, taken care of others. I always put myself last on the list. Not very healthy huh?
I had been with BP for roughly a month when I woke up with a very familiar feeling. The room spun and I turned green and dashed for the bathroom. Yep I was pregnant within a month AGAIN!
Well I told BP and he just got a blank look on his face and walked out the door. This was a very long very bad night. I was alone and pregnant. If there was any chance of making things right with LL before, there sure wasn't now. I made an appointment to get an abortion because I didn't think I could deal otherwise.
The next morning I went to a friend's house and found BP. He was passed out on the floor drunk. I kicked him in the head with my boot and went OFF on him. There is no way I was gonna do this alone.
Well abortion day came and I was a mess. It took every last bit of money I had to make the trip to Indy. I got to the clinic and filled out all the papers and tried to steady myself. The nurse was so nice to me when she took me back. I got into the gown and suddenly it hit me. This baby was a PERSON. Whether the timing was bad or not I had no right to kill it. We all started out the same way.
I threw my clothes back on and ran out the door like the devil was chasing me. Which in a way I think he was.
On August 28, 2001 Brayden Paul Petitt was born, healthy and happy!
Next time we're gonna skip back to when I realized BP had a drug problem. It sets the stage for the next 8 years!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful~Gave me chills. You need to share this with so many more! It is very important for others to realize they are not alone ; ) You are a Very strong and courageous woman!