Thursday, June 23, 2011

The prom from hell

Well kittykats, my last few posts have been pretty heavy as I have had a lot going on in my life. As any of you that follow me on twitter and Facebook can attest to, I fancy myself a funny lady. So tonight I will tell an anecdote to cleanse the palate. It is the trifecta of sad, pathetic, AND funny!

When I was in high school I was not exactly the coolest person. I was considered weird and didn't have any real friends. So my weekends were spent alone in my room writing and listening to sad bastard music. The boys didn't exactly beat down my door for dates. I pretended like I didn't care. Underneath it all though I was just like every other girl. I wanted to be swept off my feet by a cute boy and get de-virginized in the back of a Chevy, just like a good midwestern girl should be.

My Senior year prom came around. I had pretty much given up on any hope of an invite. Then one day the stars aligned and I was asked to go. The only problem was the boy who asked me.

I can't remember his name for the life of me. He was an exchange student from Germany who barely spoke a word of English. To top it off his host family was my creepy 6th grade teacher who looked like an Amish serial killer. Anyone from my hometown can confirm that I am NOT exaggerating. Still, he wasn't entirely repulsive, so I was happy that I at least got to go.

The preparations begun. My mom was poor from blowing all of her money on stupid shit from Fingerhut catalogs, so my dress budget was meager to say the least. We finally went to the Muncie mall and I was able to find an extremely unflattering dress for the bargain price of $65 (which she bitched about) But still, I was actually going to prom!

I grew up in a small town of 2000, so naturally the word about my date spread like wildfire. Soon Mr Germany was getting shit left and right about taking Jamie Head, the horror and shame of it. Must have been devastating for the poor bastard. A week before prom he came up to me during passing period and broke the date.

I went home crying and feeling like the worst reject to ever walk the earth. My mom asked me what was wrong, and in between sobs I told her. To my horror she called the host family and laid into them. Long story short they made him take me.

Prom night came and I spent the whole day getting ready. I was excited and hoped somehow it would turn out to be a magical evening, as I was a naive 17 year old. He had ordered a cab to pick us up. Since I was from an Indiana backwater, this was more exotic than a limo to me. We rode to Richmond where the prom was to be held in silence.

He took me to a pretty decent restaurant here in town called The Olde Richmond Inn. We tried to make conversation, but the dude could barely speak English. He tried to joke with me and I just stared at him blankly. The entire time I was looking at this big black case that was laying by his feet. I had first noticed it in the cab and had no idea what the fuck it was.

Our awkward dinner ended and we headed off to the Leland Hotel where the prom was being held. We posed for the obligatory cheesy pictures and headed into the ballroom. I sat with a table of people who I knew and didn't hate as much as the others. Then the moment of truth, Mr Germany slammed his big black case on the table and opened it....

Inside was a CAMCORDER! He wanted to tape the prom experience for his weird friends back home. So he ended up taping the entire thing and ignoring me. Not one dance, plus no one else asked either. I just sat at the table wallowing in my own misery.

We took the cab back to the after-prom in silence. He tried to be nice when we got out but I told him to fuck off. So that was my prom, no dancing and not even any dirty after-prom sex. What else would I expect from a prom that's theme song was "Take My Breath Away"? So I went home, told my mom it was great, went to my room, crawled out on the roof, and smoked a joint the size of my arm. After a few hits the absurdness of the situation hit me and I laughed so hard I almost fell off the roof.

This post is dedicated to all the boys from high school who never asked me out. You probably would have gotten lucky. Now I am hot and you are fat, pathetic, and trading stories of your glory days over Budweisers. So suck on that!

As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A very challenging week

This last week has been one of the most challenging ones I have faced so far. So much emotion that it almost broke me, but it didn't.

Crispy and I are still working things out. It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride as of late. There are things that both of us need to change, but it's not been easy. We are both stubborn as hell, and this process will take time. We love each other dearly though, and we're both willing to do the work.

The worst thing about the last week was losing Will to a heroin overdose. I have written about him on here before using the pseudonym WM. He was a great guy who left behind 4 children, including my goddaughter Kaitlyn, who is only 2.

He always had a pretty nasty drinking problem, but was functional. Then heroin came along a few years ago. He started by snorting it until, like so many of us, he graduated to the needle. He and V were in a completely dysfunctional relationship which revolved around heroin rather than their kids or building a life together. When he found out she was cheating on him 5 months ago he packed up and moved to his parents' in Michigan. He was clean the entire time.

He arrived back in Richmond on Thursday night. By Friday morning he was dead.

I've been a mess about this all week because it could have easily been me. I can't believe I will never see him again. My grief is mixed with a good amount of anger though. It was completely selfish of him to choose getting a buzz over being responsible. Now his children have no father.

There are rumors floating around Richmond that it is being investigated as a possible homicide. When Will died he was at an old friend of mine's apartment. This friend got home from working 3rd shift and found him. I can't be sure, but I think he got Will the heroin the night before. When the police and paramedics arrived, the scene had been cleaned up. They call it suspicious but I just think the friend panicked and tried to get rid of any and all paraphernalia that was laying around.

What do you guys think? If someone provides drugs for a person and the person ends up dead, should they be held accountable? The person who found Will was one of his best, oldest friends so I think the guilt will be worse than any prison sentence.

On a brighter note, yesterday was my 34th birthday, and I saw it clean and sober. It was a nice day, albeit VERY hot. I got lots of birthday wishes from my Facebook friends and Twitter peeps, so that made me feel very loved! Thanks guys! The kids made me stay in my room for an hour so they could give me a party. They hung everything from Christmas tinsel to 8 different colors of streamers on the wall. They also invented games for us to play. My dining room is a WRECK now, but the clean up is worth it. SO much fun! I ended the evening by cuddling in bed with Crispy, eating a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream, and watching Reservoir Dogs. In the words of Ice Cube, "I'd have to say it was a good day!"

In closing I would like to say Happy Birthday to my big brother William Christopher Head, who passed away in 1998. He was a gruff man's man who loved motorcycles, beer, and red meat. He had more than a passing resemblance to Santa Claus, if Santa liked Harleys. He also had an amazing talent for choppers. He could build a bike using nothing but scrap metal and duct tape. I miss you Chris, and I hope you are proud of your baby sister!

As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

The Night From Hell-Part 2

Well kittykats, I am bit short on sleep as I'm sure you can imagine.

I was just starting to get cheered up a bit last night. Thanks for all the outpouring of love by the way, I am overwhelmed! I was listening to bad music at top volume just because I could, then I heard the thud of heavy boots coming up the stairs. Crap, Chris had come back.

It wasn't pretty. He was drunk beyond anything I have ever seen. He had gone to the neighbor's house a swilled God knows how much whiskey. I just stared in horror as he bumped into walls in a futile attempt to get into the bed. Of course I asked him what the hell he was doing here and he seemed genuinely confused. He said he lived here. I told him he doesn't anymore.

Then came the drunken slurring insults. Gems like, "I never loved you and the kids" and "Your son is a retard." The last one pushed all of my anger from the night over the edge. Brayden is autistic, not retarded and it's NOT his fault! So I went all redneck and punched him. No one talks about my kids like that unless they have a death wish. So I hit him as hard as I could and I think I broke my hand in the process. I am typing this one-handed.

He is still asleep about 5 feet away from me right now. I have no idea what is going to happen when he wakes up. He didn't go to work today.

This person I have seen in the last few days is NOT Chris! He is a good man and I have no idea what is going on with him. I think talking would help, but it takes two to carry on a conversation. I guess we'll see. Thunder is rolling in the background and the sky is as slate grey as my mood right now.

As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Is this ACTUALLY happening?!

Well guys, I think we can chalk this up as the 2nd worst time of my life. In this post I am going to share some things that are frankly shameful to fess up to, but you know my rule. 100% honesty.

Most of you know I am a bit of a clown on Facebook and twitter. I like making people laugh and brightening days, but from time to time I need to wallow in my misery. Tonight is one of those nights. Suffice it to say that my entire world has crashed around me tonight.

When I got sober I kind of thought that everything would be roses after that, but apparently it's not the case. I met the first man I have ever truly loved. We built a nice life together and he was wonderful to me and my kids until recently, but I digress. Let's start at the beginning.

Chris and I have been having some issues for a little while now. He has been emotionally abusive. Mostly just name calling and such. I have been so scared about going to jail that I haven't spoke up for myself. Who would take care of the kids?

Yesterday morning he woke up in a hella bad mood and called me a fucking cunt. I stewed about it all day and decided to say something when he came home from work. Let's just say he is not the best communicator....

He refused to apologize and informed me he was done with me. As I lay in his lap a sobbing wreck begging him to stay with me, he unleashed the bombshell.

He said that monogamy is totally unnatural and he is "immune to me." He said if I couldn't accept him wanting to sow his wild oats since he was so young that we were done. In short he wanted to sleep with other women. The worst part is that I actually told him he could.

Today was bad all day. I kept having these awful images of him with some young cute girl. Kissing her like he kissed me, looking into her eyes and telling her how amazing and beautiful she is. Every time it happened I would get a sharp pain in my chest unlike anything I have ever felt before. It feels strange to have your first broken heart at my age.

When he got home, he assured me he wouldn't cheat on me and was just angry. I'm not sure if I believed it. My confidence and every thing I had ever believed in had been shaken to the core. But I decided to push those feelings away, and we made love.

A couple of hours later I got the news that one of my best friends on earth was dead of a heroin overdose. Needless to say, this was tough news to hear.

All I wanted was someone to hold me and listen to my pain and loss. The response was, "I really don't give a fuck!" He seems to have no emotion about his fellow man. I am completely the opposite, I care too much. So I said something that probably was not good. I said, "Just you wait until someone you love dies, like your mom, maybe then you'll understand." I was insane with grief and any logical person would understand that. Not him.

He said he was done for real this time (nice that he took advantage me one more time) and was leaving. When he went to go he couldn't find his car keys. So he proceeded to trash the house looking because obviously I took them (I didn't.) The evening's hijinks ended with him throwing glasses and shattering them. Then he spit on me and walked out.

So here I am. It's hard not to think that everything I have went through was for nothing. I have not felt this much heartbreak in my life, but my rational self knows I am better off alone. The future frankly terrifies me. I am going to prison and I have no clue what to do. Think I might reread this blog and remind myself how strong I can be.....

As always, thanks for listening and God bless!