Monday, September 20, 2010

Standing up for ME!!!

Hey everyone, I missed you! I just flat out refuse to be too boring, so I thought I'd wait until I had something to write about. Chris has inspired me to write about what a God damned pushover I am.
I have said in posts before that I am a people pleaser, but I guess this is the understatement of the century. It's one of the number one sticking points in my relationship. Chris doesn't understand why I care about people that just walk all over me. It almost cost me him last week.
A friend of mine stopped by the house last week before he had to go to work. I have been friends with him for a long time and was under the impression that he was clean. We sat around and talked for awhile and he got ready to go to work. He patted his pocket and got a surprised look on his face. Apparently he had a needle on him and did not have time to go home to put it away.
So he begged me to hold onto it for the 8 hours he was to be at work. I said no, I don't want anything like that anywhere near me. He kept on begging and laid a guilt trip on me. It was something to the effect of, "I have all these kids, and if I lose my job they will starve." So I agreed, like an idiot. Can you see where I am going with this?
Yep Chris found it in my purse and FLIPPED OUT! It took a hell of a lot of explaining to make him see that it was not mine. I told him that he could check me for track marks, give me a drug test, whatever he wanted to do. Eventually he saw that I was telling the truth.
I can see why he was so upset, because I put my friend ahead of Chris's wishes. That is a mistake I will never make again. It almost cost me my soul mate. So I have dropped this friend for the sake of myself and my family.
It always sucks to lose a friend, but I could have lost a lot more. I am working on being more assertive and putting my foot down. It just goes to show you living a clean life is not just quitting drugs, it is changing your thought process and how you react to the world around you!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

1 comment:

  1. Living a clean life is not just bout the drugs its also about who you choose to keep company with!!! If you hang with druggies and at them place you can never truly change your life!!!! I'm so proud of you and hope that I am strong enough to continue making the right decisions for my life!!! You are lucky that u have not or did not lose your children! I didn't completely lose mine but I don't get see them everyday and it kills me. I think that's one of the reasons I kept making bad choices because I said fuck it they are gone and won't be able to come back anytime soon. So I just got worse and worse off until I almost completly destroyed myself!!!! Thank you for being here for me!!!! I need someone more than u could ever know!!!!!