Friday, June 4, 2010

Too much time on my hands!

It is about time to send off the kiddos to grandma's for the weekend. They enjoy it SO much, but there is a selfish part of myself that just wants to keep them here with me!
I can usually figure out something to do while they are gone but I think this weekend is going to be a bit different. I have put myself on self-imposed lockdown for the last week.
You see, dealer guy won't stop calling my house. That is a huge red flag in and of itself. Dope dealers don't call YOU, you call them. So I know he's probably just trying to rip me off somehow! I just have my roommate answer the phone and tell him I'm not here. I need to face it head on, I know this!
I am still hanging tough staying away from the heroin, but I'm wondering why the timing has to suck so hard! How is my dude getting ahold of me when I am at my weakest point since I got clean?! I am feeling COMPLETELY isolated and I know that it would take just one fix to make me happy, perky, and productive! At the same time I look at my kids and know that this is not the answer! If I could only get the answers I am looking for maybe it might be a wee bit easier? Sometimes the silence is so much more painful than the most painful of truths!
I need prayers this weekend, I won't even lie! Gonna call a good friend later and see what they have to say. Hopefully someone has the answers....
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

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