It is about time to send off the kiddos to grandma's for the weekend. They enjoy it SO much, but there is a selfish part of myself that just wants to keep them here with me!
I can usually figure out something to do while they are gone but I think this weekend is going to be a bit different. I have put myself on self-imposed lockdown for the last week.
You see, dealer guy won't stop calling my house. That is a huge red flag in and of itself. Dope dealers don't call YOU, you call them. So I know he's probably just trying to rip me off somehow! I just have my roommate answer the phone and tell him I'm not here. I need to face it head on, I know this!
I am still hanging tough staying away from the heroin, but I'm wondering why the timing has to suck so hard! How is my dude getting ahold of me when I am at my weakest point since I got clean?! I am feeling COMPLETELY isolated and I know that it would take just one fix to make me happy, perky, and productive! At the same time I look at my kids and know that this is not the answer! If I could only get the answers I am looking for maybe it might be a wee bit easier? Sometimes the silence is so much more painful than the most painful of truths!
I need prayers this weekend, I won't even lie! Gonna call a good friend later and see what they have to say. Hopefully someone has the answers....
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!