Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Encouragement is nice, negativity is not!

I woke up today feeling pretty positive. I got a phone call from an advocate from Reid who thinks that can help me FINALLY Medicaid. This would mean I can get medical care and possibly get outpatient treatment for my addictions. Then I saw a comment from my last post and my soul deflated.
I have not been perfect, not by a long shot. I am a binge drinker and I get out of control. I am working on that, which is why I am still in jammy bottoms so I can fight the urge until a meeting later tonight. Yet again, the ostrich method!
The comment informed me that I am one of the most ungrateful people he has ever known. The clincher? This is my stepfather.
As you all know I was adopted as a baby and just reconnected with my birth mother last November shortly before my mom died.
I was sober at the time and things seem well. But then I had a nasty relapse. I ended up lying and deceiving this poor lady. I was an awful person as addicts are.
It may be too much to ask, and I don't deserve it but I beg for her forgiveness. I have no family other than my kids.
I need my mom right now! I am doing the best I can, and have not had a drink in 4 days. How long does forgiveness take?
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

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