I have done a lot of contemplating on this subject in the last days. I am close to the present here, think if I have anything else to say I should put it out here first!
I have been giving a few friends a lot of thought. I am trying to figure out what I mean to them, and what they might mean to me.
We are gonna deal in hypothetical to protect the guilty...
Friend #1- I have known her since we were kids! She is a few years younger than me, and I guess in a strange way I am HER role model (scary)! I taught her the art of death curls, good taste in music, and how to deal with idiot men! The problem is she took all the lessons I taught her, and moved on to bigger things and left me in the dust. BTW I am VERY good at giving advice, not getting it! The fact I hardly talk to her anymore bothers me. I think I influenced her life and now I am not good enough to recognize as an old friend.
#2 A guy I thought I knew but was SO wrong. Everything had to be on HIS terms, or no way! Want to say SO bad that Neptune DOES NOT revolve around his asshole! Don't you hate it when people forget they are not the only person on earth? We all have our own brands of pain!
#3 will never give me a half inch of space. She asks me about every stupid detail of my life and wants my sage advice. I give it regardless of how much I just need to focus on myself.
I think the underlying thread in all of these three is the fact that I am used for what I can offer, and tossed to the side. I do not have the heart to say, "Go away" to anyone and it's a BIG problem! How do you look at someone who needs a friend and walk away?! Not in my genetic makeup! At the same time, lately I have been hurt because of my empathy and unwillingness to ask for help back. Even worse is when you ask for a friend and they seem to not care when you have cared so much! Even if you know in your heart it's them, it STILL hurts so badly!
So this is where I am right now dear readers, being listened to by half the earth but still no one gets me. I still don't get myself! I would just like to have a friend that meets me halfway. No expectations or promises, just love and support!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!