I feel just slightly better but not a lot.
I am going to address him directly again, though he won't see it, it makes me feel better!
I have wasted so much time blaming myself for everything that has happened, but I am opening my eyes to the fact that it is not all on me! I got a lot of mixed messages and I can't blame myself for misinterpreting them.
If you say one day you can't stop thinking about me all day, am I wrong to think that I might mean a little bit to you? I was nothing but good to you and got no appreciation back.
I know you didn't need me, but that is no reason to be cruel because I tried so hard to make you happy. I think it is a good thing when someone cares about you as much as I did.
Back to my dear readers, I have gotten a lot of love from you today and you guys are totally right. I need to learn to love Jamie, I have wrapped up my self esteem in men for way too long. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet. I've just never been very good at being alone. I have dealt with so much abuse and pain from BP and the first time I try to put myself out there I get destroyed. Enough to make you lose faith in everything...
But as always I will dust myself off and continue down my road. Someday I will look back on this and laugh, won't I?!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!