Thursday, May 13, 2010

Back to a very dark place in my life!

Well, when we left off before the current drama, I was just recently hooked on heroin. My arms were a wreck, my life was a wreck, and I decided to just give up and numb away the pain!
Addiction is a stealthy bastard, one second you are doing heroin and then you realize that heroin is doing YOU! If I had any idea the depths of the despair I was running towards maybe my decisions would have been VERY different. It's like they say, "Hindsight is 20/20"
To be totally honest, my memory from back then is a bit fuzzy. I would wake up and immediately need a shot or else I could not function. I was like superwoman when I was high, mostly in the cleaning of my house. I would scrub at dirt that was not there. I couldn't stop either. As I did one chore, I would mentally file away a hundred others that HAD to be done or else the world would end. My thinking was so warped back then.
I grew accustomed to wearing long sleeves even on the hottest of days. I wasn't exactly ashamed at the time, but didn't want to have to explain myself. I was still a great mom, that is one thing I am proud of. At the same time, every cent I spent on drugs was taking away from my kids. There is NO excuse for that!
We started to lose everything, and with a quickness. First went my job, second was anything that we could pawn for a quick buck, and third was my apartment. given the option to buy either an 8 ball or pay rent, guess which one I picked?
The fourth thing I lost could very well be my freedom. We'll get into that next post! I would like to say though I am off the dope now, it's still a daily struggle but I'm doing well with THAT part of my addictions. Some day I will recover from all of them! Say a prayer for me OK?
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

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