Well I had a series of upsetting phone calls on Saturday. It was BP calling from jail.
It is nice to know that he is doing OK, but at the same time, I disconnected all feelings for him when he went to prison AGAIN!
I don't think I could ever get past all the damage he has done to my self-esteem over the years. Of course I will always love him, I did spend 10 years with him and he's a good father to the kids. (when he's not locked up)
It seems like jailhouse talk is music to the ears, but you have to keep in mind they have nothing but time to come up with the perfect thing to say. He wants me to do what I have to do now, but leave open the possibility of reconciliation in 2012.
After doing a lot of thinking on the subject and I think I have finally made up my mind for good.
It boils down to the fact that I am not the same girl he met 10 years ago. I have grown older and I hope a bit wiser. I am more sure of what I want and I will not settle ever again. I just don't think we are compatible anymore, our priorities are too different.
Although I will grieve over it not working out, I have to do what's right for me and the kids right now. It's just going to be hard to start over after 10 years with him.
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
I keep mentioning to you that most alcoholics find that that cannot quit by themselves. The way that worked for me and for many others was Alcoholics Anonymous - not just going to a few meetings but getting a good sponsor to help walk you through the 12 Steps.
ReplyDeleteRemember that description of insanity - repeating the same actions and expecting different results. Admitting that you can't quit on your own is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of admiting that you have a problem that you can't lick on your own.
I know many people who have recovered, and some of them literally ended up living on the streets and lost everything, including their families, before figuring this out. I pray that you don't have to go that far.
Many people have also found that that a 30 day in-patient treatment program can be very helpful as well.