Nobody is perfect, least of all myself. I am aware of this, but what do you do when a character flaw really annoys you?
I have identified the chink in my champion’s armor. Don’t get me wrong, Chris is still my ideal guy, and the one I have dreamed of since I was a little girl. There is one thing that I really wish we could work on though. He has what some professionals call “trust issues.”
Apparently he had the same girlfriend all through high school, and was madly in love. At least until the day he came home to find her mid-coitus with another. After the shock of this he found out that this was not even close to the first time this had happened. I think after this he just shut himself down until recently.
As you well know I stay home and take care of the domestic things while he is at work. I am more than a little bored for a big chunk of the day, as it took us a while to get set up with cable, phone, internet, and other time-sucking devices. Through the boredom I find ways to amuse myself, mostly rereading my books. I do nothing wrong.
He has these nightmare visions of me playing desperate housewife and having someone over during the day. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but it’s something that is always in the back of his mind. How do I convince him that I would never hurt him like that?
Today for example, I went out to get hair coloring, as he wanted to see me as a redhead. Don’t misconstrue this as controlling, I was ready to dye my hair anyway and I usually go red in the Fall. Well I was a bit longer than he expected. The Jeep started to overheat and I took my time at CVS to make sure I had the best color for me. When I came home he was sitting on the porch sulking. I feel like I can’t leave the house without him getting worried about what I am doing. This is no way to live.
I can understand being reluctant to trust anyone after your first love betrayed you, but after 10 years?!I truly believe it is time to get over it. I am not anyone’s property! The fact that the man I love so desperately thinks I would toss him aside like so much trash kills me. Not to mention that questioning what I do when I am alone is right next door to calling me a whore. If he wants to spend forever with me as he says, he needs to let go and just believe in me. I think that I am worth the leap of faith.
This is a new thing for me, as most of my exes frankly didn’t care enough about me to be jealous. It is a good feeling sometimes when he says, “It means you are worth being jealous over.” I don’t buy that I am all that, but he seems convinced that I am something special..
I’m going to wrap this post with a quote from a song I am quite fond of. “The past is gone, but something might be found to take it’s place, hey jealousy”
As always thanks for listening and God bless!