Thursday, July 1, 2010

New look, new outlook!

Well dear readers, I just redesigned the old blog! Got a little tired of how it looked so I thought I would switch it up a bit.
Quite a bit going on in my world, but luckily nothing too tragic for once! I am now on day #13 free of alcohol. It's not too bad most of the time, especially during the day and early evening. I am way to busy to think about drinking! Nighttime is always the hardest. The good news is that the liquor store closes at 11. If I can hang in there for that long, temptation is swept right away, at least until the next day!
No, the major new development is that I am dating again. I have been seeing a very nice guy who treats me very well. It's kind of refreshing as long as he is not too nice. Herein lies the rub....
I worry about dating someone whose goals are so different from my own. Not the where-you-end-up-professionally kind of goals, the BIG ones. Family, marriage, and everything that comes with it. We enjoy each other's company, but when we were at dinner tonight I mentioned the fact that I will never get married again EVER. Not for any reason! I'm sure he thought I didn't see, but his face fell a bit when I said that. It is nothing against any one man in particular, there are several reasons I am against it. The top three:
1- I obviously tried at it and failed. Not once, but TWICE
2- I flat out refuse to get married as long as my LBGT brothers and sisters are not afforded the same right.
3- I believe that the institution of marriage is in and of itself a blatant violation of the separation of church and state. Once again, see reason #2
So there is one problem. The second one and this one is a BIGGIE! After I had Allison, the doctors decided it would be way too dangerous for me to have another child due to a predisposition to eclampsia (high blood pressure for you menfolk who do not know) So I had a tubal ligation, which mean no kids ever again. I am fine with this as I have no desire to ever go there again.
Adoption is a great and noble thing, but it is a biological instinct to want to have your own child. If you have that opportunity and you are ready, I say go for it! Have a baby. I have no interest in limiting anyone's options, especially when it is such a big decision. Bad things can come out of that! You might look back and think of all the years you wasted with someone who would not give you the one thing you wanted more than anything.
So this is where my head is right now. Luckily the poor guy understands that I have a lot going on right now. I made no promises of when I would figure things out. I hate to say it but that is pretty far down on my list. Number one is ALWAYS the kids and number two is keeping my sobriety going. I'm thinking that I might not have room in my head for anything else. My heart is always open and willing to do anything I can for my family and friends, but I just don't need any more stress. It seems like it follows me around though.
Not gonna think too hard on it. Tomorrow is another day, and I am going to try to see Eclipse (yeah, I haven't made it yet) If that does not pan out I'm going to move a date I have with my kids on Saturday. Three words: Toy Story 3!!!!!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

No comments:

Post a Comment