Monday, July 5, 2010


Sorry about my brief disappearing act. It's been a LONG weekend. Nothing I can really share with you dear readers, but suffice it to say my mood has brought on self imposed lockdown yet again.
I really need to come up with better coping skills than I have right now. The meetings aren't really helping this time around. I sit there and listen, but when it comes around to me, I just say, "pass." I am standing on the edge of a cliff and it's only going to take one little nudge to make me fall. This time I don't think I'll be able to crawl out. I just have this feeling deep down that this is truly my last chance.
I have tried to let people into my life (my real life, not my cyber one) and it seems to blow up in my face every single time. For someone who has gone through as much as I have, I sure can be naive!
One of my friends from high school suggested that I look into my own spirituality. This sounds well and good, but I have been a diehard agnostic for so many years I would not even know where to begin. I have always thought that religion was something created 1000s of years ago to keep people in control. I would like to believe that there is something beyond this world, but I can't bring myself to buy into it. Perhaps "nihilist" is a better description of my beliefs.
Not much more to say right now. This is not my best post, but being as bummed out as I am plays hell with my writing abilities!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!


  1. 30 days of inpatient treatment would do wonders for you - you'd come out with a whole different outlook. Otherwise, find a woman that you DON'T like at the meeting and ask her to sponsor you.

  2. I have to truthfully say I am bothered by posts like this. Why is it that you question God so hardcore, are you ready and willing to live the rest of your life how you are living it now? Depressed, sober one day not sober the next, up and down constantly. Isn't it worth giving God a try? Don't let PEOPLE tell you what to believe and feel. Don't even let YOU tell you how to feel. It's not working for you obviously! I want to see you and your kids lead a fulfilling, awesome life that is not ruled by a drink or drug. Sorry if that's offensive but your kids are watching all of this go down.