Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Letting go for him

Well guys I think we are at the end, I hope not but it sure feels that way.
I had so much hope that this would be it for me, but I think I'm getting ready to be alone again. Things have gotten progressively worse between Chris and I. I blamed it on being at the point where we annoy each other, but maybe I was delusional.
It seems that every morning something is said that pretty much makes me want to stay in bed all day. Things like "I hate you 90% of the time" or the all-time chart topper, "The only reason I stay with you is because I am afraid you will kill yourself if I break up with you."
I really don't get it. We have so much fun together and I am usually 100% confident that he really loves me, but how am I supposed to take statements like that?
Maybe I have been unfair to him. The pressure I have put on him is crushing, but then again he knew what he was signing up for.
So I am offering an option to him when he gets home, the option to walk away. I owe that to him and myself, I have no desire to be with someone who is there out of obligation. We both deserve better!
So as of now I am facing serious jail time, putting my kids in foster care, and losing the one man I have ever truly loved. This is what I got sober for?! Doesn't really seem worth it. If I make it through today in one sober piece it will be a blue-eyed miracle....
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

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