Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Trouble in Paradise

Those of you that are my facebook friends know that I am a big joker. Did you ever hear about great comedians writing from a place of pain and insecurity? That is me in a nutshell.
It took me a while to get the guts to write this one. A lot of you said you would love to have a relationship like mine. Well kittykats, all is not well!
I can't put my finger on when it started happening, but things are strange. It is like I can feel a break up hurtling toward me like a freight train.
The closer I get to the date I have to go to prison, the more scared I get. It started out as little snide comments here and there, but it has escalated lately. Now it seems as if I can't go 24 hours without him saying, "I am so done with you" or "I can't wait until May 18th." It doesn't take very long to have these things really get to you. I have put all of my eggs in one basket and I am afraid it was a huge mistake.
The worst part is that after these things happen, he acts as if it never occurred. Maybe men are equipped to not remember cruel remarks but I am not.
Is this just growing pains after being together for a year? Is it both of our fears at what is coming? I have no idea but the thing I need most right now is a sense of security, and I have never felt more alone.
So for now I will continue to crack wise and act like life is beautiful. If things go wrong I have no idea what I will do! Probably just crawl into a gutter and die....
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!

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