Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I can't watch this anymore

I think I would die of shock if I had a normal day. I feel like I'm about to have a stroke.
Well the sister/bff V came over today. Her boyfriend had to meet with his parents and she didn't want to sit at home alone with her thoughts. So she showed up here at about noon. I honestly didn't want company, but I find it really hard to turn away a person who is in need of a friend, to the detriment of my mental health.
She was wired as hell and talking a mile a minute so it was instantly obvious she was on something. I asked her and she admitted to doing a half of a Suboxone. She offered me the other half, and I'm proud to say that even though I have had a killer headache all day. She was impressed that I could turn it down, I told her if she quit, one day she too could say no. She thinks Suboxone is better than heroin, but it's all the same to me.
I had a busy day planned, catching up laundry and putting up our winter clothes for the season. I got everything done, but with her trailing me the entire time. I was annoyed, but her boyfriend was supposed to pick her up within an hour or two. He didn't show up until 4:30, then all hell broke loose....
He informed her that he had to leave for rehab in Kentucky the following morning or he was going to lose his kids. This is the only place she has to stay, so I am sure you can imagine her reaction.
She began pacing up and down my block yelling. She got her clothes out of his truck and threw them on my porch yelling, "Take these, I don't need them since I am homeless!"
I asked her boyfriend to please take her away because the neighbors were staring. Crispy and I are quiet neighborly folks and I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
I went to my next door neighbors house to call her mom, because frankly I was scared for her and didn't want to make the same mistake twice. After I explained to her what had transpired I went back home.
She had come back and was leaning against my wall sobbing. I told her I didn't want her to hurt herself and she informed me that she had nothing to live for and was going to kill herself. Of course being the sister of someone who committed suicide, I went straight through the roof.
I told her that she was a selfish bitch and needed to think of her kids. I pretty much read her down. She started talking about how she was never going to get her girls back if she had nowhere to stay. Hint hint right?
I told her that I was sorry about her predicament, but there was nothing I could do to help. Last time we tried to help she was here for all of a day and a half before she had stolen off us. Crispy would never allow it, and frankly neither would I. She started weeping again and her boyfriend pulled back up to the house, she went outside and started melting down again. I told her boyfriend to get her ass in the truck and take her to her parent's house. She refused and just walked down the street freaking out. He kept his truck next to her and the last I saw they were creeping up Sixth street.
I have tried everything I can to help. I was given many 2nd chances when I was a mess, so I always use that as an excuse to be everyone's savior. No more.
My head is pounding right now and I'm all shaky. I have plenty of stress of my own don't I? I can't watch this anymore. I wish her the best, but this was the last straw.
As always, thanks for listening, and God bless!


  1. I can only imagine how hard this all is for you on top of everything else...but remember, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Stay strong!!! Be there for her in the best way you can without jeopardizing your own progress!

  2. Jamie u are one of the STRONGEST women I know!!!!! You give advice and take advice u try to help everyone and be a good friend....you deserve your happiness without all the drama from everyone else u have earned IT!!!!!!!