My Madhouse

I believe that Chris and I had a hall-of-fame-weird wake up call this morning. I am still scratching my head over it.
See, Chris has been feeling ill since last night so he had to call into work. I got up and got the kids on the bus for school as usual, then hit the grocery store. When I got home I was a little tired so I laid down with Chris to take a nap. About an hour later we were awoken by very loud barking. For some households this would be normal, but not ours. We do not own a dog.
Allison's bedroom is right next to ours and it was the source of the racket. We stood in the door bleary eyed and blinking in disbelief. There was a small dirty dog sitting on her bed barking and snarling like mad at the window. In said window hanging from the mini blinds was our kitten, shivering in terror. I thought I was hallucinating.
I was unsure what to do, but I did know there was no way I was getting within biting distance. I grabbed my daughter's TV tray and started swinging at it, then I realized, "Wait, I have a man to take care of this!" So I left Chris to handle it.
The noises from upstairs sounded like they came right out of a cartoon. There was barking, then skittering, and then yelping. He had tried to grab it nicely, but mini-Cujo was not having it and snapped at him. So Chris handled it like any civilized adult. He kicked it square in the face with his size 12 boot. The dog's bowels let loose all over my daughter's bed and somehow on the wall as well. Did the dumb dog run downstairs and out? Nope it darted into our bedroom and cowered growling under our computer desk.
I was sitting on the couch by now listening to the ruckus. I heard Chris bellow, "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" and the clattering of claws coming down the stairs. A black ball of fur jumped from the stairs at such velocity that it skidded sideways and slammed into the couch. Then it was running out the back door. I soon saw why....
Chris followed close behind hollering like an Indian going into battle. He was weilding a HUGE nail studded piece of wood and had a crazed look in his eyes. I was about to crap myself, I can only imagine how terrified the dog was. Then Chris sat calmly on the couch, looked at me, and said, "My head hurts."
You see kittykats, when I came in with the groceries earlier, I had not gotten the back door all the way shut. The moral of this story? Men, always help your old lady carry in the groceries or you never know WHAT will happen!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!