I have hit the point where I am going from mania to depression over this whole damn sad situation.
You start this process with a righteous indignation. You are the fiercest damn creature on this planet. You need NO ONE! How dare someone try to tell you how to live?!
Then the reality sets in. After the long nights when you still sleep on the left side of the bed. In the morning when you wake up and you don't have the dead weight of someone's arm on you and you have to do the delicate ballet of escaping without disturbing your partner. When something crazy happens at work and you reach for your phone to text him about it and realize that you can't. About a million different little things.
I am grieving right now. And I think that's OK.
I also have a real problem with giving up on anyone, given MY history. Where would I be today if you had all given up on me? What exactly is unfixable? Heroin addiction? Anger issues? Alcoholism?
I keep my best friend in my heart, and love him. Because I know who he is. The 'before.' I also once had a 'before.' And a few people kept a cautious distance, and gave me an opportunity to get the help that I needed and earn their trust again. If anyone is taking steps to address their issues, who am I to tell them that they can't do it?
I want the best for the ones that I love, and this is no exception. I do not hate, I do not resent, I have only the purest hope that everyone becomes a better person. Including me.
As always, thanks for listening, and God bless!