It's been two weeks since I got out. I thought by now that I would be fine.
I'm totally not.
I used to laugh at people who would talk about being "institutionalized." I figured that since I didn't even do a year that I would adjust. I would be happy being free.
After a while you really get used to not making your own decisions. I was told what to eat, when to sleep, where to go, and how to act for a year. Now that I'm free I have found I can't make up my mind about the tiniest thing. My roommates will ask me where I want to go for dinner and I just freeze up. I have never in my life had a problem expressing myself.
I am also having issues with actual human contact. I never answer my phone because the idea of having a conversation panics me. I'm OK when it comes to texting and chatting online but real interaction terrifies me. I have gone out a couple of times, but find myself unable to really have any fun.
When you live with the possibility of punishment for as long as I did, it can change a person. I'm trying to work through it as best as I can. I look forward to the day when I can stop being so damn jumpy and really live again. Thanks, Indiana Department of Corrections, for "rehabilitating" me.
Sorry this is so bitter, but needed to get these thoughts out before they poisoned me any further. I hope to be in a better headspace next time I post. As always, thanks for listening and God bless!