I am kind of freaked out by my day today.
Most of it was excellent. Went shopping with the kids, had some laughs, a good afternoon! It was the beginning of the day that was the problem.
I went to court today. No, I didn't do anything. In fact, I think that today was the first time I ever walked into the courthouse without the nagging fear that I wouldn't walk back out again. As most of you know, I am going through a divorce right now. Today was the day that we decided on child support.
I have gotten a lot of flack about this.I am doing well and he has no job and a baby to take care of! Why am I being greedy when I am doing just fine financially?
Full disclosure: My son gets SSI for his autism. I get child support for my daughter. Plus I work my ass off 40 hours a week. I give everything I have to make sure the kids have an amazing childhood. When I reflect upon my own childhood, I only remember pain and loneliness. Not a lot of bright spots. So I am literally obsessed with making sure that my kids don't have similar memories or feelings as an adult.
So we go out to eat and talk to each other. I put them in nice, name-brand clothing because I remember being teased mercilessly because my mom got me garage sale rejects, not Nikes. I do all these little things, trying to carefully shape their memories into happy ones.
But at the end of the day, none of this matters. Child support comes up in divorces. It's unavoidable. And we all have to live with the consequences of our choices. I am not trying to hurt anyone. But I work my tail off and God damn it my kids and I deserve a higher standard of living. You cannot just make a child and then walk away. It's unconscionable.
I just hope that when the dust settles, we are all better people because of this. I was married to this guy for a decade. I wish him all the luck in the world and to find the peace that I know.
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!