Well kittykats, I have been slacking as of late on the writing front. Sylvia Plath syndrome again!
Tomorrow is the big day. It will be one year since I last stuck a needle in my arm. It completely blows my mind how much has changed in that time! Oddly enough being clean has been harder this last week than it has been in a long time. I think that maybe the anniversary has brought it to the forefront of my mind.
Then I look down at my arms. I don't see a single track mark, and my arms used to be utterly riddled with them. I think that is something worth preserving! Not to mention the second Chris sees something suspect, he would be out the door. I finally found the one, no way am I jeopardizing that!
In the year I have been clean I have had 16 old friends go to prison on drug related charges and 4 friends pay the ultimate price. Not to mention all the lives that are still in the toilet due to addiction. To my readers who are still struggling, it IS doable! I quit cold turkey and seriously wished for death in the beginning, but I made it. Methadone and Suboxone are not the answer, trading one thing for another does not make anyone better!
Thanks for all your help the past year! As always thanks for listening and God bless!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
My Madhouse
I believe that Chris and I had a hall-of-fame-weird wake up call this morning. I am still scratching my head over it.
See, Chris has been feeling ill since last night so he had to call into work. I got up and got the kids on the bus for school as usual, then hit the grocery store. When I got home I was a little tired so I laid down with Chris to take a nap. About an hour later we were awoken by very loud barking. For some households this would be normal, but not ours. We do not own a dog.
Allison's bedroom is right next to ours and it was the source of the racket. We stood in the door bleary eyed and blinking in disbelief. There was a small dirty dog sitting on her bed barking and snarling like mad at the window. In said window hanging from the mini blinds was our kitten, shivering in terror. I thought I was hallucinating.
I was unsure what to do, but I did know there was no way I was getting within biting distance. I grabbed my daughter's TV tray and started swinging at it, then I realized, "Wait, I have a man to take care of this!" So I left Chris to handle it.
The noises from upstairs sounded like they came right out of a cartoon. There was barking, then skittering, and then yelping. He had tried to grab it nicely, but mini-Cujo was not having it and snapped at him. So Chris handled it like any civilized adult. He kicked it square in the face with his size 12 boot. The dog's bowels let loose all over my daughter's bed and somehow on the wall as well. Did the dumb dog run downstairs and out? Nope it darted into our bedroom and cowered growling under our computer desk.
I was sitting on the couch by now listening to the ruckus. I heard Chris bellow, "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" and the clattering of claws coming down the stairs. A black ball of fur jumped from the stairs at such velocity that it skidded sideways and slammed into the couch. Then it was running out the back door. I soon saw why....
Chris followed close behind hollering like an Indian going into battle. He was weilding a HUGE nail studded piece of wood and had a crazed look in his eyes. I was about to crap myself, I can only imagine how terrified the dog was. Then Chris sat calmly on the couch, looked at me, and said, "My head hurts."
You see kittykats, when I came in with the groceries earlier, I had not gotten the back door all the way shut. The moral of this story? Men, always help your old lady carry in the groceries or you never know WHAT will happen!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
See, Chris has been feeling ill since last night so he had to call into work. I got up and got the kids on the bus for school as usual, then hit the grocery store. When I got home I was a little tired so I laid down with Chris to take a nap. About an hour later we were awoken by very loud barking. For some households this would be normal, but not ours. We do not own a dog.
Allison's bedroom is right next to ours and it was the source of the racket. We stood in the door bleary eyed and blinking in disbelief. There was a small dirty dog sitting on her bed barking and snarling like mad at the window. In said window hanging from the mini blinds was our kitten, shivering in terror. I thought I was hallucinating.
I was unsure what to do, but I did know there was no way I was getting within biting distance. I grabbed my daughter's TV tray and started swinging at it, then I realized, "Wait, I have a man to take care of this!" So I left Chris to handle it.
The noises from upstairs sounded like they came right out of a cartoon. There was barking, then skittering, and then yelping. He had tried to grab it nicely, but mini-Cujo was not having it and snapped at him. So Chris handled it like any civilized adult. He kicked it square in the face with his size 12 boot. The dog's bowels let loose all over my daughter's bed and somehow on the wall as well. Did the dumb dog run downstairs and out? Nope it darted into our bedroom and cowered growling under our computer desk.
I was sitting on the couch by now listening to the ruckus. I heard Chris bellow, "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" and the clattering of claws coming down the stairs. A black ball of fur jumped from the stairs at such velocity that it skidded sideways and slammed into the couch. Then it was running out the back door. I soon saw why....
Chris followed close behind hollering like an Indian going into battle. He was weilding a HUGE nail studded piece of wood and had a crazed look in his eyes. I was about to crap myself, I can only imagine how terrified the dog was. Then Chris sat calmly on the couch, looked at me, and said, "My head hurts."
You see kittykats, when I came in with the groceries earlier, I had not gotten the back door all the way shut. The moral of this story? Men, always help your old lady carry in the groceries or you never know WHAT will happen!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Blog Must Go On!
A short update for you guys. I am going to continue to blog while incarcerated. Chris has agreed to transfer anything I send him onto blogger for me.
This whole experience is going to suck but being able to write about it might make it a wee bit easier. I am sure I will have plenty to write about. No worries, I'm kind of a bad ass so I should be OK in jail. Plus it's amazing how far a sense of humor will get you. I don't think anyone can say I'm not pretty funny.
The only thing that bothers me is that I will probably be exposed to drugs again. I will have a year of being clean in before I'm gone. Not to mention the great things I have waiting on me on the "outside"....I should be fine!
There is a proverbial silver lining to my plea deal, once I am released NO PROBATION! So I can leave this whole sad mess behind me and move on with my life. This is the last link I have to my ex, so thank God for that. If he wants to see his kids, he can have his grandma pick them up. I have no desire to ever see him again. Wow, did that sound too bitter?
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
This whole experience is going to suck but being able to write about it might make it a wee bit easier. I am sure I will have plenty to write about. No worries, I'm kind of a bad ass so I should be OK in jail. Plus it's amazing how far a sense of humor will get you. I don't think anyone can say I'm not pretty funny.
The only thing that bothers me is that I will probably be exposed to drugs again. I will have a year of being clean in before I'm gone. Not to mention the great things I have waiting on me on the "outside"....I should be fine!
There is a proverbial silver lining to my plea deal, once I am released NO PROBATION! So I can leave this whole sad mess behind me and move on with my life. This is the last link I have to my ex, so thank God for that. If he wants to see his kids, he can have his grandma pick them up. I have no desire to ever see him again. Wow, did that sound too bitter?
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
OK, so I am totally screwed....
Well dear readers, as you know I had court today. Chris took half the day off so he could come with me. Guess one of his many talents is not being a good luck charm as it did NOT go well!
I got there about 5 minutes early and proceeded to sit in the hallway for the next hour. Chris said that I was shaking, all I know is that my nerves were shot all to hell. I was POSITIVE I would get a continuance as I just met my lawyer 3 frickin' days ago. It was not meant to be....
After the lawyer came out of the courtroom, he informed Chris and I that not only did I not get the continuance, the DA is sticking to the plea offer she made. I have only a few days to decide if I want to take it or not. For those of you who don't know the specifics, I was offered a year on the receiving stolen property charge, and 250 days on the probation violation. They are to be served consecutively. So with credit for good time, I will be in prison for 10 months.
I don't see any way around this sadly. If I take it to trial and am found guilty I would probably be a lot worse off. So I am going to officially be a convicted felon. This means the death of a lot of dreams. I will never be able to leave the country, I lose my right to vote, and (luckily for BP) I cannot own a gun!
Chris is being really terrific about the whole thing. Not only is he going to stand by me, he is also going to take care of the kids. I have to give him a crash course in running a household, but I am sure he's gonna do great. He is the only positive male role model the kids have ever really had, and he loves them as if they are his own.
So for now I am just going to concentrate on spending as much time with my fiancee and kids as I can and trying to mentally prepare Chris and myself for what's coming. After all, we are spending the rest of our lives together. 10 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, is it?
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
I got there about 5 minutes early and proceeded to sit in the hallway for the next hour. Chris said that I was shaking, all I know is that my nerves were shot all to hell. I was POSITIVE I would get a continuance as I just met my lawyer 3 frickin' days ago. It was not meant to be....
After the lawyer came out of the courtroom, he informed Chris and I that not only did I not get the continuance, the DA is sticking to the plea offer she made. I have only a few days to decide if I want to take it or not. For those of you who don't know the specifics, I was offered a year on the receiving stolen property charge, and 250 days on the probation violation. They are to be served consecutively. So with credit for good time, I will be in prison for 10 months.
I don't see any way around this sadly. If I take it to trial and am found guilty I would probably be a lot worse off. So I am going to officially be a convicted felon. This means the death of a lot of dreams. I will never be able to leave the country, I lose my right to vote, and (luckily for BP) I cannot own a gun!
Chris is being really terrific about the whole thing. Not only is he going to stand by me, he is also going to take care of the kids. I have to give him a crash course in running a household, but I am sure he's gonna do great. He is the only positive male role model the kids have ever really had, and he loves them as if they are his own.
So for now I am just going to concentrate on spending as much time with my fiancee and kids as I can and trying to mentally prepare Chris and myself for what's coming. After all, we are spending the rest of our lives together. 10 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, is it?
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Court update
I just got back from meeting yet ANOTHER lawyer. The Wayne county public defender's office is in complete disarray right now. This is my FOURTH lawyer so far. The bad news is that I have no cohesion in my defense thus far. The good news is that it looks like I'm gonna get yet another continuance.
It's strange to me that every lawyer I have had so far seems genuinely surprised that the case has gone as far as it has. According to the statute I have to have known the property I received was stolen. I'm sorry but I am WAY to smart to take something I knew was stolen into a pawn shop. That alone should be proof of my innocence, but what the hell do I know?
So I am in a strange position here kittykats. My lawyer thinks he might be able to get me house arrest due to the fact that my son is disabled and there is not really anyone else to take care of him. Chris said that he would be happy to, but I hate to ask him to do that. That's a lot of pressure!
If I take house arrest I am going to have to enter a guilty plea and therefore I will be a convicted felon. I hate to lie like that and say I did it when I did not. At the same time if I take the case to trial and am found guilty it could turn out a LOT worse! So I am in a no win situation!
One thing that I am so grateful for is Chris. He says that no matter what happens in this sorry situation he is going to stand by me. That was my #1 fear-losing him! He's a hell of a man!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!
It's strange to me that every lawyer I have had so far seems genuinely surprised that the case has gone as far as it has. According to the statute I have to have known the property I received was stolen. I'm sorry but I am WAY to smart to take something I knew was stolen into a pawn shop. That alone should be proof of my innocence, but what the hell do I know?
So I am in a strange position here kittykats. My lawyer thinks he might be able to get me house arrest due to the fact that my son is disabled and there is not really anyone else to take care of him. Chris said that he would be happy to, but I hate to ask him to do that. That's a lot of pressure!
If I take house arrest I am going to have to enter a guilty plea and therefore I will be a convicted felon. I hate to lie like that and say I did it when I did not. At the same time if I take the case to trial and am found guilty it could turn out a LOT worse! So I am in a no win situation!
One thing that I am so grateful for is Chris. He says that no matter what happens in this sorry situation he is going to stand by me. That was my #1 fear-losing him! He's a hell of a man!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Hell freezes over....
OK so I just made a liar out of myself, and I couldn't be happier about it. For those of you that have been hiding under a rock or are not my facebook friends, I am officially engaged.
Chris and I had talked about it for a while, but just talked. Monday night we're cuddling in bed and he looks at me and says, "Jamie Brady Petitt, will you marry me?" Of course being the person I am the response was, "HELL YEAH!" Typical Jamie....
I know, I know, I have railed against the institution of marriage due to bad experiences. The times I got married before were for all the wrong reasons, so I am more to blame than marriage itself. This time around I don't have that little voice in my head saying, "DON'T DO IT!" Plus it's going to be a nice long engagement. I want to be sure I'm sure, and that he is as well.
Of course it still bothers the hell out of me that my LBGT brothers and sisters cannot marry. I feel like my refusal to do it myself will do nothing to help our cause. Why should I deprive Chris because of one of my convictions?
So finally after all this time my road has led me to something amazing. If I trace it all back, several of the most painful experiences over the last few months had to happen to lead me to him. As I always say: you have to take every step on your road, whether good or ill, to lead you to where you are today!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!
Chris and I had talked about it for a while, but just talked. Monday night we're cuddling in bed and he looks at me and says, "Jamie Brady Petitt, will you marry me?" Of course being the person I am the response was, "HELL YEAH!" Typical Jamie....
I know, I know, I have railed against the institution of marriage due to bad experiences. The times I got married before were for all the wrong reasons, so I am more to blame than marriage itself. This time around I don't have that little voice in my head saying, "DON'T DO IT!" Plus it's going to be a nice long engagement. I want to be sure I'm sure, and that he is as well.
Of course it still bothers the hell out of me that my LBGT brothers and sisters cannot marry. I feel like my refusal to do it myself will do nothing to help our cause. Why should I deprive Chris because of one of my convictions?
So finally after all this time my road has led me to something amazing. If I trace it all back, several of the most painful experiences over the last few months had to happen to lead me to him. As I always say: you have to take every step on your road, whether good or ill, to lead you to where you are today!
As always thanks for listening and God bless!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Standing up for ME!!!
Hey everyone, I missed you! I just flat out refuse to be too boring, so I thought I'd wait until I had something to write about. Chris has inspired me to write about what a God damned pushover I am.
I have said in posts before that I am a people pleaser, but I guess this is the understatement of the century. It's one of the number one sticking points in my relationship. Chris doesn't understand why I care about people that just walk all over me. It almost cost me him last week.
A friend of mine stopped by the house last week before he had to go to work. I have been friends with him for a long time and was under the impression that he was clean. We sat around and talked for awhile and he got ready to go to work. He patted his pocket and got a surprised look on his face. Apparently he had a needle on him and did not have time to go home to put it away.
So he begged me to hold onto it for the 8 hours he was to be at work. I said no, I don't want anything like that anywhere near me. He kept on begging and laid a guilt trip on me. It was something to the effect of, "I have all these kids, and if I lose my job they will starve." So I agreed, like an idiot. Can you see where I am going with this?
Yep Chris found it in my purse and FLIPPED OUT! It took a hell of a lot of explaining to make him see that it was not mine. I told him that he could check me for track marks, give me a drug test, whatever he wanted to do. Eventually he saw that I was telling the truth.
I can see why he was so upset, because I put my friend ahead of Chris's wishes. That is a mistake I will never make again. It almost cost me my soul mate. So I have dropped this friend for the sake of myself and my family.
It always sucks to lose a friend, but I could have lost a lot more. I am working on being more assertive and putting my foot down. It just goes to show you living a clean life is not just quitting drugs, it is changing your thought process and how you react to the world around you!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
I have said in posts before that I am a people pleaser, but I guess this is the understatement of the century. It's one of the number one sticking points in my relationship. Chris doesn't understand why I care about people that just walk all over me. It almost cost me him last week.
A friend of mine stopped by the house last week before he had to go to work. I have been friends with him for a long time and was under the impression that he was clean. We sat around and talked for awhile and he got ready to go to work. He patted his pocket and got a surprised look on his face. Apparently he had a needle on him and did not have time to go home to put it away.
So he begged me to hold onto it for the 8 hours he was to be at work. I said no, I don't want anything like that anywhere near me. He kept on begging and laid a guilt trip on me. It was something to the effect of, "I have all these kids, and if I lose my job they will starve." So I agreed, like an idiot. Can you see where I am going with this?
Yep Chris found it in my purse and FLIPPED OUT! It took a hell of a lot of explaining to make him see that it was not mine. I told him that he could check me for track marks, give me a drug test, whatever he wanted to do. Eventually he saw that I was telling the truth.
I can see why he was so upset, because I put my friend ahead of Chris's wishes. That is a mistake I will never make again. It almost cost me my soul mate. So I have dropped this friend for the sake of myself and my family.
It always sucks to lose a friend, but I could have lost a lot more. I am working on being more assertive and putting my foot down. It just goes to show you living a clean life is not just quitting drugs, it is changing your thought process and how you react to the world around you!
As always, thanks for listening and God bless!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)